Day 4 Alone With The Baby – The Girl’s Turn to Bitch
Enough from me. Time to turn today’s proceedings over to the Girl.
8:02AM – It’s him again. I think I’m gonna cry.
8:05AM – Is he trying to grow a beard? That’s so lame.
8:15AM – Hey Asshole, when you’re feeding me, can you not put your keys in your front pocket? It’s hard to enjoy breakfast with a Sam Adams bottle opener up my ass.
8:45AM – Hey, we’re bouncing up and down! This is hilarious! God damn! Who knew going up and down could be so entertaining?
8:47AM – I don’t feel so good. You don’t like that shirt, right?
9:04AM – Hey, why are you strapping me down?! What is this fiendish contraption?! Where are you taking me?! You call this a democracy?!
9:05AM – Actually, I changed my mind. This car seat’s not that bad.
9:35AM – So this is the grocery store. Do they have pork tidbits? I fucking love pork tidbits.
10:57AM – Hey jerkoff, get off the computer or else I’ll marry a Greek shipping heir.
11:25AM – Does anyone else here remember that movie “Look Who’s Talking”? It was that movie that starred John Travolta before everyone found he was gay, and Kirstie Alley before everyone found out she was a humpback whale. Remember how it had that crazy Bruce Willis doing the voice-over for a baby, and how the writers thought it would be a funny device to make the baby all sassy? That was fucking lame.
12:04PM – What the fuck does a broad have to do to get a drink around here?
12:45PM – Where’s the Woman? I liked her better.
1:34PM – Hey, why is he looking at my nose like that? Do I have a booger? Oh shit, I have a booger. That means… oh fuck!
The bulb syringe!
No, no, no! Keep that fucking thing away from me. Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it…
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I’ll get you for that, you bastard. I will poop in your sock drawer. I promise you.
3:40PM – He thinks I can’t possibly be hungry an hour after I already ate. But I just watched this prick dig into a pack of crumbled feta ten minutes after lunch. I’m your daughter. Figure it out, you jackass.
3:42PM – One more day. Just keep saying it to yourself…
8:02AM – It’s him again. I think I’m gonna cry.
8:05AM – Is he trying to grow a beard? That’s so lame.
8:15AM – Hey Asshole, when you’re feeding me, can you not put your keys in your front pocket? It’s hard to enjoy breakfast with a Sam Adams bottle opener up my ass.
8:45AM – Hey, we’re bouncing up and down! This is hilarious! God damn! Who knew going up and down could be so entertaining?
8:47AM – I don’t feel so good. You don’t like that shirt, right?
9:04AM – Hey, why are you strapping me down?! What is this fiendish contraption?! Where are you taking me?! You call this a democracy?!
9:05AM – Actually, I changed my mind. This car seat’s not that bad.
9:35AM – So this is the grocery store. Do they have pork tidbits? I fucking love pork tidbits.
10:57AM – Hey jerkoff, get off the computer or else I’ll marry a Greek shipping heir.
11:25AM – Does anyone else here remember that movie “Look Who’s Talking”? It was that movie that starred John Travolta before everyone found he was gay, and Kirstie Alley before everyone found out she was a humpback whale. Remember how it had that crazy Bruce Willis doing the voice-over for a baby, and how the writers thought it would be a funny device to make the baby all sassy? That was fucking lame.
12:04PM – What the fuck does a broad have to do to get a drink around here?
12:45PM – Where’s the Woman? I liked her better.
1:34PM – Hey, why is he looking at my nose like that? Do I have a booger? Oh shit, I have a booger. That means… oh fuck!
The bulb syringe!No, no, no! Keep that fucking thing away from me. Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it…
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!I’ll get you for that, you bastard. I will poop in your sock drawer. I promise you.
3:40PM – He thinks I can’t possibly be hungry an hour after I already ate. But I just watched this prick dig into a pack of crumbled feta ten minutes after lunch. I’m your daughter. Figure it out, you jackass.
3:42PM – One more day. Just keep saying it to yourself…
posted by Big Daddy Drew at 3:47 PM
2 Comments:
Good girl. HE may not know that your're growing a bjillion brain cells everyday, and HE may think you won't remember this special daddy bonding experience.
But you will. You may not have a grasp on intelligable language yet, but hang on to the memories honey-they just may earn you a fully loaded BMW and a credit card when you turn 16.
Dear Girl,
Don't wait to poop in his sock drawer. Do it now, while he's into the feta cheese.
There ya go. Now wasn't that strangely satisfying?
Sincerely,
Cake
Post a Comment
<< Home